New World Order

If you did not stay up last night then you missed seeing the world end and begin again. It was mostly visual and I didn’t have my phone to take any pictures, what with the world ending and all, but since I was awake all night I can relay the events.

The rapture happened. All the people who truly believed and led their lives as God wanted have ascended into heaven and left us behind. Do take stock of all your friends and religious leaders. Also take note that you yourself are reading this here on Earth. So sorry.

Satan won the war this time out and the next grudge match will be in 10,000 years. There is fallout from this change in deity:

Firstly, unlike his predecessor since “Biblical Times,” there will be no more near genocide of various peoples. Satan felt the need to differentiate himself right away and this is one of the reasons he always opposed God in the first place. We are going to “lighten up” as He so magnanimously put it.

Gay marriage is now legal. Pork and shellfish are now considered good and proper things to eat. Women are to no longer be treated as if they were property. And instead of supporting a church and praying you must now spend all that time and effort actually helping each other along through life.

It has been made clear for the record that “Santa” was always an anagram for “Satan”. The war superimposing the spirit of giving and enjoying life instead of recognizing Jesus as the son of god was won a long time ago.

Communism will be the new world economic model and there will be one world currency. Sadly for some, everyone will now live in a manner as if they made approximately $100,000 USD annually and because of the wonders of industry and automation every man, woman, and child will be required to work at something they love twice weekly for periods of six hours. The twelve hour workweek is mandatory. Everyone must do their part. Do get a job doing something you really like before they have to backfill for the less desirable positions. Be proactive!

With this communism there are no actual possessions and along with that no money. Only crimes of violence are left as all victimless crimes have been made legal. So the order of the day is now, “Don’t be a dick.”

So now we all know what our new Lord and Master was actually rebelling against. In most ways you can go back and live your life as always, but now most have more than they ever dreamed they could have, are required to work 12 hours each week, and need only worry about intentionally hurting someone else.

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