Love and Nonsense

I’m afraid I cannot relate to wanting what other people have. Whether it be their appearance, their possessions, their relationships, their lives, I do not envy not because I shouldn’t, but simply because that is not what I am. So when you wish you had something someone else has I think what you envy is a lovely thing but it is not you and it is not me. It is them.

If I wish to have a great love then I love greatly. I don’t know how to explain better than that and I certainly cannot guide anyone there. If I am against stealing, I do not steal. If I want to rescue people then I find people to rescue.

But to just love, to be in love, I must first love myself, I must put love into everything I do (even this now), and to me a person coming or going does not mean love coming into or going out of my life. I love them while they are with me and I love them while they are leaving and always I am loving myself, respecting myself, treating others well and demanding they treat me well, and loving who I am with and inviting them to love me back.


I sometimes think the great romantic love, THE ONE, is a fairytale myth, a story to tell children at bedtime along with Jack and the Beanstalk and Santa Claus. Love changes and grows and evolves over time. Perhaps if two people are lucky it begins with lust and gradually becomes a life partnership and the greatest of friendships.

I very much want to keep what I have, but it is my firm belief that I could marry and get along with about 70% of women. That is a wild guess but I tend to bother to shape my physical world as well as my world view. If I don’t like what I have then I get something different. If I don’t like my situation then I change it if I can and if I can’t then I change how I look at it. I find a way to be happy and I make it so. I don’t see that as a choice.

I love myself and all those in my life completely. That is just the right amount of love for me. To return that, as you may, is a lovely thing for you.

2 thoughts on “Love and Nonsense

  1. Sir,
    Maybe your notion of the fairytale love is accurate; I suppose I wanted it because I grew up in an abnormally unhealthy household of a warped cycle of “love”. It was abuse, purchase a lot of physical gifts in place of love, monotony, abuse, purchase gifts, monotony, etc. I looked to books and (sadly, comic books) to alter my reality and always wanted something different than what I had.

    When love found me, I backed away from it; I did not even recognize it and I pushed it away. I suppose if I saw a million dollars I might think it was a unicorn, as I have seen neither in real life.

    I try not to envy, but with love sometimes it is difficult. I have wanted to be loved at times… other times I have not cared very much. However, your post today makes me stop and think..

    Perhaps, just maybe… I have been loved at times and I should appreciate those moments for what they were.


  2. My belief: the sad truth is that the grass always looks greener elsewhere and we assume other people have it much better than they actually do. There are so very many lonely people out there both married and single looking for something I fear does not actually exist. Perhaps we are all dissatisfied and unhappy and some of us cover it up better than others.

    The old zen saying, “Wanting things is the source of all unhappiness” applies to what we speak of here. In wanting the perfect everlasting love we are doomed to be forever unhappy. I try to stress loving yourself and loving all that is around you as the certain path to a life brimming with love. It is what I strive for and perhaps, in turn, such an attitude if expressed in overt behavior would also make one lovable.

    To love is a very generous and fulfilling state. To want to be loved, to hoard someone else’s love seems a selfish thing. To give a present in order to see joy light up someone’s face is love. To want all the presents for yourself is not such a pretty thing. When I love I glow and feel full and satisfied. When I need love I am empty. So to me, at least, the way to fill the void is to light the inner fire and surely others will come to warm themselves.

    I cannot speak to whether you were loved or not in the past. I can say that you are cared about and you are loved now.

    (I still read comic books, the little boy in me needs them.)

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